When logic and reason lose the battle, I’m stranded in a canoe with no oars. Emotions seldom drive my decisions, but feelings and frustrations can disrupt even the most beautiful sunny July day.

It seems we have conflict everywhere these days. People may be on their last nerve. They may feel the need to control more intensely because there is so much in our political environment they have no control over. They may need to win or fight. Your guess is as good or better than mine.

Healthy living is difficult when we have little tolerance for other people’s ideas or when our individual and natural strengths are diminished or dismissed.

We all need skills to deal with conflict because life has fundamental disagreements—regularly.

How do you manage situations when you feel unheard and reduced? Do you throw the “F” bomb, hit and scratch, cry, walk away, name call, close your ears, or empty your head?

We have all engaged in various ineffective behaviors. We are normal, after all, and frustration is a strong emotion.

What are solutions to disagreements? Most of us will have several occasions to practice before this day ends.

What works for me is to stop the downward spiral by thinking outside the box and believing that a win-win is possible. We don’t have to lose or win—compromise is a good option. I’m not saying it’s easy; it isn’t, but we succeed more often if we try. Winning is not a win if we leave with a sword in our stomach, and losing is not losing if we feel we have tried our best to hear, understand, and act accordingly.

Sometimes, trying to solve a problem, which usually involves other people, is unlikely possible. The old expression, “It takes two to tango,” is accurate regarding remaining in or exiting conflict.

Often, the roadblock involves a difference of priorities—I want veggie Mexican, you like beef steak—I don’t like your friends, you don’t like my friends—I want to go to Italy, and you refuse to fly—you get the idea.

We can push and shove all our lives to the point where it becomes our nature, and that is not mental wellness, my friends. We live in our homes, towns, and world with others, and give and take is necessary if we want to have the freedom of authenticity. Turmoil and trauma in our thoughts and emotions are not the recipe for mental health.

We can agree to disagree, step out of our small boxes, and, as my granddaughter says, “We
can still be friends.” Isn’t that the goal?

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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