The wrong people
will find you in peace
and leave you in pieces.

The right people
will find you in pieces
and lead you to peace

This quote struck me as interesting and relevant. Enriching relationships is a topic for any age, plus many of us have grandchildren in the age group for choosing lifelong partners.

First, using wrong and right people is simplistic, and there are many hues of color between the two. It also seems the quote lays blame outside of ourselves as if we are victims. We are only victims if we aren’t doing the finding.

I agree people do find us. If we live in peace, those who are not will like us, and vice versa.

Logic should also be considered in the choosing stage. I told high school students if they fall in love with the quarterback stud, they will likely spend the rest of their lives engulfed in sports teams and football on TV, in stadiums, and during family vacations. Or, if they fall in love with an adorable beauty who wears the latest styles, they will likely spend the rest of their lives paying for nails, hair extensions and highlights, eyelashes, spa treatments, shoes, jewelry, and clothes, as well as always waiting on them to get beautiful before leaving the house.

The point: be careful what turns you on.

If someone is in pieces, it is NOT the time to find or be found. Usually, someone in pieces will find you, and you can imagine the possible demise created by that combination.

If you are in pieces, yes, ideal love is tempting, but it’s short-sighted. If you are in pieces, go about gluing yourself together and feeling inner peace before finding someone or being found.

Time is the secret remedy to successfully feeling peace instead of being broken into pieces. Is it fun? No. Is it easy? No. Is it possible? Yes. Does it reap the rewards? Yes.

If you want to make a delicious apple pie, you don’t use spoiled apples. Instead, you find healthy and nutritious ones. You can then be proud of the results, and ice cream will enhance the final taste and presentation. Use spoiled apples; there is not enough sugar to hide the obvious, and ice cream on top will be wasted.

So, if you’re looking or responding to a new love or know someone who is, pass this article along. It could be helpful.

Remember that being “found” is not as successful as finding. If you are in peace, find someone who is also in peace. If you are in pieces, give yourself time—don’t go looking—and ward off the ones looking to find you that would likely lead to double trouble.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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