One of the greatest understatements of our time, of all time, probably, is, “Life is an experience.” With significant and minuscule happenings each day, we encounter new, routine, and repeated lessons. Today, I’m thinking about the word hate. If the word feels uncomfortable, substitute it with dislike.

I experienced hate, defined as “intense or passionate dislike,” differently as a kid, an adult, and now as a senior. If someone didn’t like me in kindergarten or 5th grade, I was crushed and turned it inward, as if I was flawed or less than. If someone treated me poorly with words or actions, I tried to understand their intentions and adjust my behavior accordingly. Instead of thinking they were mean or nasty, I thought there must be something wrong with me.

Thank goodness, through many years and tears, I no longer internalize what someone thinks of me. Everyone has the freedom to think whatever they choose. Little reminders help:

It’s impossible to like everyone.

Sometimes it’s hard to like anyone.

If someone doesn’t like me, the sun still rises.

My job is to be my best self, not a chameleon.

I don’t like everyone, and not everyone likes me.

I often like myself or Lucy best.

Some people dislike me—it’s okay. I probably don’t like them either.

When someone dislikes me, being friendly, kind, sweet, and wonderful doesn’t change anything—they still don’t like me.

Hate is about the person who hates, not the object of their hatred.

As a Christian, I find it helpful to ask, “What would Jesus do?” Jesus would do just what my mother always said, “Bless them on their way.”

Jesus would not waste his time getting followers, and he would not wish them bad—he would kindly move on to someone or something else.

Your primary J-O-B is to love yourself. With self-love in your back pocket, you can more easily accept another person’s opinion of you, good or bad.

So, if you sense another person dislikes you profusely, it’s poisonous if you don’t think highly of yourself. Trying to be what someone, anyone, wants you to be is fruitless. Be your best self, own your faults—we all have them—and you will be happier in your mind, body, and spirit.

On the opposite side, if you hate, it hurts nobody but you.

Hate is a bad four-letter word, but it is a debilitating emotion. It’s like dragging around a burlap sack full of rocks. The weight of hate hinders every step forward.

Drop the bag, kick it over the ledge, or line a flower bed with the rocks. That bag of rocks serves no purpose, and whatever it represents is probably very old. Let it go—drop it!

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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