For my final article on the painful topic of suicide, I want to address warning signs and suggest what to do if you notice the signs.

If someone changes from usual behavior—That’s a sign. If they’re normally cheery, grumpy, talkative, quiet, busy, lazy, whatever, and whoever they are, if it changes, pay attention.

If you fear they could be depressed and dangerous to themselves, and if they won’t talk to you–that’s a sign. Find someone they might speak with. If it’s a therapist, they will likely stay shut down for a few visits but be persistent. Trust will develop, and they will talk. The dark thoughts within them need to come out, and talking helps.

If someone loses interest in what they usually enjoy, that’s a sign. Tell them you love them, that you’ve noticed changes in what they used to enjoy, and that you are always there for them.

Don’t ask many questions—nobody likes to be interrogated, especially when not in a good emotional place. Instead, take the pressure off of them and talk about yourself. If you share, they might too. Join them for a walk, go to the gym, play in the water, or shoot baskets. An activity can build a safe place.

If someone tells you they are thinking of killing themselves, believe them–that’s a sign. Don’t minimize. Explain that if they tell you they don’t want to live anymore, tell them you will always get them help. Call 911, call the therapist, call one of their friends. So, it might be a false alarm, it might be embarrassing, or it might not be helpful, but the risk is too high to ignore. Call anyway. They need to know you take their words seriously and that you sincerely care.

If they come to you with mere thoughts of suicide–that is a sign. Don’t criticize, shame, or discount. Ask if they have a plan for how they would kill themselves. Listen more than you speak, and make sure all pills and guns are not accessible.

Remember, social media is a silent and often false friend, so look through their phones–they won’t like it, but do it anyway.

When someone is suicidal, and they tell you, it’s not a time to be optimistic. Don’t tell yourself, “It’ll be fine; they just want attention, plus they would never do that.” Those thoughts could be accurate, but they could also be false.

One only needs to listen to the broad spectrum of stories from people left to carry on after a suicide. They say, “I wish I would have . . . If only I could.”

There are more, but recognizing the signs helps protect your loved one and yourself.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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