OMGoodness—It’s almost Valentine’s Day again. Although it’s promoted as a day of flowers, chocolates, kisses, fancy dinners, and romance, it is often a day of pressure and a set-up for disappointment. Domestic abuse is not uncommon on this day of love.

On this Valentine’s Day 2025, I challenge you (if needed) to shift your thoughts and begin new traditions—those with a better chance of success.

If we don’t have a designated sweetheart, there are lovely alternatives. We can gather friends together, giggle, and tell stories. We won’t be disappointed if our doorbell doesn’t ring with a bouquet delivery, and some simple appetizers might be all we need to prepare. We won’t even need to fix our hair.

But, if we have a Sweetheart, lucky us. Let’s not spoil the relationship because of a commercialized holiday.

Here is a noninclusive list to help ensure you and your sweetie will still speak to each other on the 15th.

Before the 14th, sit at the table, look at each other, and discuss how you want Valentine’s Day to look.

Have a discussion—it’s not that hard. If you want something specific—say so.

If you are worried about the budget—say so.

If you need or want nothing—say so IF you mean it.

Be specific: Your honey cannot read your mind.

“I want a gift certificate for a spa treatment at that new place downtown.”

“I want to just stay home, snuggle, and watch TV.”

“I want one red rose and a box of Sees candy. One-half is dark chocolate with cream filling, and the other is California Crunch.”

“All I want is YOU! Nothing more, nothing less—all of you, with no phone attached!”

Plan something different. Hold hands and take a thirty-minute walk. Every ten minutes, stop, hold each other, and share a kiss.

Create simple moments. Plan romantic activities in ordinary places.

Go shopping for groceries together. Don’t split up to get finished faster. Stroll along the aisles and pay attention to what your partner looks at and touches. You could learn something you didn’t know before.

Turn on your playlist, dance, and make dinner together.

Be creative and courageous—think outside the box. How do YOU want to spend the day?  What fun things can YOU do for someone else? What can YOU do for YOU?

Valentine’s Day is hard on people who have lost or don’t have a special person in their lives. If you fit into that category, make a plan, any plan. Cleaning the stove or organizing the garage is better than feeling sad all day.

Remember, February 14th is only one day out of 365. Please don’t give it the power to make or break your relationship or spirit. It’s a good day to tend to your own initiatives.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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