Speaking from the heart is essential

Will Rogers once said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” That does not work if you are trying to have a good relationship. If you want to be close to your spouse, or your children, or your friends, you must speak the truth of what is going on inside you.

Lack of effective communication skills is the basic problem facing every couple, and every child and parent who go to counseling with relationship issues. Learning to speak from the heart, and to hear and empathize with what another person speaks is probably the most beneficial skill taught in a counseling office.

We all yearn to be heard and understood. It is a basic need.

It is our responsibility to say the words that will help us to be understood. Nobody can read our minds, and our behaviors do not always reflect our emotions. For example: I can be yelling, or crying, or sitting quietly alone; you cannot tell what emotions lie behind any of my behaviors. You can guess. But, to know what I am truly feeling, I must tell you.

Speaking from the heart is not easy, but it is essential if one wants to be close to another person. We are always close to people who listen to us and who care how we feel and what we think.

Abraham Lincoln said: “It is better to keep one’s mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and resolve all doubt.” In personal relationships, we need to replace that quote with: “It is better to open one’s mouth and speak than to keep it shut and sacrifice authentic relationships.”

People keep quiet for many reasons; they could be afraid of hurting someone, being embarrassed, making matters worse, having it come back to them as ammunition in a disagreement, or they could keep quiet because they don’t know exactly what words to use.

My suggestion: Just say it. You might not say exactly what you mean, but if you practice you will improve. Take ownership of your emotions and speak with softness. The more appropriately you voice your thoughts and feelings the better chance you have of being heard and developing an emotional connection.

Healthy relationships start with you and me. Say the words and enjoy the benefits.

Until the next time: Live while you live