My parents wanted a boy. I was disappointment number four, with number five still to come. I tried to be a boy for my dad, but I was truly a girl with curls and ruffles and giggles.
My parents argued a lot, and to this day I avoid conflict. It is one of my least healthy traits. Wanting people to tell their stories is rooted in not always having the safety to verbalize what I feel or think.
I value friends, especially when we enjoy stimulating conversations.
Women have always been my anchor. Raised in a house of sisters, and after married, turning at “The Tree” along with many active, courageous farm women, built the foundation for the research and subsequent dissertation for my Ph.D. A woman supported me when I made the decision to leave a thirty-year marriage, and others helped me heal. One encouraged me to buy a high-rise condo in Denver. Women are responsible for the purchase and renovation of the Old Carnegie Library. My counseling and teaching focus have always been women, especially rural women.
Other than six years I have lived in rural areas. Being a farm wife was good and bad. The isolation and patriarchal culture were difficult, and it insulated me from reality. I learned to be Wonder Woman – I did it all. I wouldn’t trade those years because they define who I became. Tears surface when I think of the sunrise, the broad expanse of land, and the snug, safe family life.
Running was my salvation. I ran three miles a day and six on Saturday for thirty plus years – rain, snow, or mud. I was free on those country roads with the cows looking my way and Buster, the dog, keeping me company. I miss it terribly – darn knees.
I LOOOVE learning. In my perfect world, I would be in a classroom with an American Flag visible through the window.
I have no tolerance for people who are bullies – none.
I know I am a bit strange. I am aware of differences in thoughts and perceptions and choices. No matter the group, I feel a little weird.
I also feel urgent because I am running out of time to make a difference and leave this world better than I found it.
Challenging to admit, but I believe I have the wisdom to help others.
Oh… and libraries have followed me throughout life – pleasantly, they just show up.
Dr J’s Comments
After many re-writes and edits, I finally have my life condensed to 400 words without mentioning family or achievements. Give it a try…it’s good for the spirit.
I applaud you and the accomplishments in your life and in living every day. I am wondering if my comments to one of the other rural women stories about wanting to hear what is the attitude, the “sayings” that are a part of everyday life that leads to the commitment and courage to live out that day with a positive outlook. If my reply did or did not, I thank you for giving a bit of insight into those days that show the daily living; memories of a Vacation, or a Christmas morning, or whatever event that was typical. As I mentioned in that reply, my grandmother always said, “Well it could have been worse,” which I now believe was her mantra that guided her to live the next day with gusto. I know rural people have something different about them. I certainly don’t know all of it, but liking yourself enough to be alone with yourself, and not trying to escape, like to social situations, are a few. My mom did have a phone, but it was also party lines, so it was not the same female connection that many think of today. I’m also wondering if in general, rural people tend to be more introverted, than city people. That would then lead to question if it is “forced” or if it is always just a personality trait. Is there a Psychologist in the house? You appeared to be more extroverted, having the responsibilities of a city kid. You then moved to the country and raised a family. What a major environmental change. I think it must have required an inner strength, and I hope the Rural Women forum will allow others to express their mantra of living in a rural area. The love of learning, or seeing every moment as a learning opportunity, may also need some exploration. I also want you to help as many as you can, and I think reflecting on the rural days pre-internet, pre-Facebook, and other direct connections are the right place to try to identify some of those differences. I also notice there are several popular TV programs about rural Alaska, are they also tapping into something that is about the individual mindset.
Thank you for your thoughts. I too hope many women will express their stories. They are priceless!