I saw this quote somewhere: “We find what we look for.”

At first, I thought, “That’s not true. If I look for money falling from trees, my odds of finding what I’m looking for are zero.”

What the quote’s author meant was similar to the Cherokee grandfather who told his grandkids a story about two wolves fighting inside each of us. One wolf is mean, nasty, and scary; the other is kind, sweet, and wonderful. One grandchild asked, which one wins? The grandfather said, “The one you feed.”

The question to ponder is, what do we look for? I will likely find it if I look for lousy trouble, harmful gossip, or extreme positions on any topic. Vice versa, if I notice the wonders of nature, like fall colors, flowers, and falling snow, or hang out with people like my 10-year-old great nephew, who walks a lizard on a leash every day, better opportunities materialize.

If I look for goodness in another person, I will find it. If I’m critical and look for flaws, I will find that too. And, shame on me.

The quote points out that we are seldom victims unless we approve of that designation. If we’re lucky enough to wake up to a new day, we don’t have the power to mold things out of our control, but the decisions we make throughout our days contribute to or hinder the quality of our attitudes.

Mental health means we have health concerns not only for our physical body but also for our minds. We can blame others for our fear, frustration, hurt, and unfairness. But we are each responsible for those angry emotions—someone else can’t mess with our minds unless we invite or endorse them. They might hurl nasty words and unkind actions toward us, but if we are busy looking for the good things in life, other’s negative dance will have less effect.

Any little reminder of how to navigate the drama and trauma in today’s world helps us control our mental mood and, therefore, our perspective, productivity, and happiness.

Here’s a short list:

Look for good—it’s out there.

The wolf I feed wins.

Limit time with glass-half-empty people.

Love yourself.

Think loving, accepting thoughts.

Put joyful feelings behind your eyes.

Give notice to your favorite things.

Don’t give up on you.

As we head into what some call the best time of the year, lower expectations, know that money isn’t the answer to happy holidays, and believe we find what we look for. It might come in a strange package or not fit the ideal image, but good comes if we plant the seed and watch it grow.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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