I’m sharing another book with you today, and it’s a self-help book: after all, helping ourselves is what mental health boils down to, right? It’s titled “The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About,” written by Mel Robbins and her daughter, Sawyer.

It’s entertaining with lots of humorous personal stories that anchor her theory of Let Them and Let Me. It is logical and straightforward to apply to your own relationships, and I found it helpful. She also includes access to a document on how to use the theory with children.

Here’s the simplified version, with no pretense of replacing the value of reading the book.

We all have times when our emotions are not neutral or within the standard range, where we feel more intense and less in control of ourselves. I’ve written many times: We have zero control over someone else, and 100% control over us, because only WE control our thoughts.

The theory of Let Them and Let Me helps us, personally, improve life’s outcomes. The words help us shift from damaging thoughts (which are usually untrue) to positive options.

For example, this week I left Estes at 5:30 a.m. for a 7:00 appointment in Loveland. At the east edge of town, I found myself behind a car that usually went slower than the speed limit, and pushed on its brakes at every curve. For those of you who know that road, there are no passing lanes on the way down. There are pull-off areas where the slow drivers can safely exit the highway, allowing traffic to pass. The driver in front of me did not choose that option.

I could feel my chest tighten and my irritation impulse throb. The message in the book was fresh on my mind, so I said to Lucy, “Let Them.” Let them drive however they want. It took several repeats, but three things happened:

I went to my brain

I relaxed my chest and arms

I began focusing on my breathing.

The second half of the theory is Let Me. Luckily, I allowed plenty of time, and was not worried about missing my appointment. I reviewed my options:

I could push on my horn.

I could put my cruise on 25 and let the car get further ahead.

I could sip my coffee, scratch Lucy’s back, relax, and enjoy the sunrise.

Remembering “Let Them” and “Let Me” gave me the doable skills, permission, and encouragement to release the angst and shift to the only thing I had any chance of controlling—ME.

I chose #3.

The story is not concise, but it gives you the idea.

Let Them and Let Me.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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