I recently helped a friend edit her new book titled, Why I Stay, a collection of stories about why people choose to remain Catholic. A male author shared being diagnosed with a large malignant tumor on his kidney. Recalling his treatment and family trauma, he concluded that he was in a win-win situation. If cancer didn’t kill him, he would get to stay with his family, and if he died, he would get to go to heaven—win-win. He could not lose.
I think this man had the answer to overall mental health—a positive attitude even when faced with an excruciating diagnosis with life-ending possibilities.
He was also praying for a miracle but said that he was okay no matter what, live or die. He could see the good side of either situation. Think how much his belief benefitted himself as well as helping his family and friends.
How many times in a day, week, year, or lifetime could we all benefit from those
words—win-win? Remember the equation, E+R=O: An Event which we cannot go backward and change, plus how we React to the Event, equals the Outcome.
Another example, my grandson’s basketball team lost the championship game in a tournament. The game was the Event. Their Reaction could have been anger, despair, blame, or shame. In that situation, the Outcome could be blaming, discouragement, beating themselves up, quitting the team, or feeling depressed and hopeless. What if they held a win-win belief? The Event would be the same—they each played their best, had an off day, and lost. But, if their Reaction had been something like, “We lost this one, #@&^*%, but we still got to play the game we love,”—win-win—Outcome. With that simple (hard as it would be) shift in Reaction, the Outcome would have a far better chance of being hopeful and lead to future team success and improved self-esteem.
You likely think I’m living in la-la land, so fill in the Reaction with your ideas, but try to get the point: How we react to any event correlates to how it affects us. The Reaction, my friend, is powerful and affects whether we fall into a big black hole or rise to hopefulness. Never underestimate YOUR abilities to manage life as it happens.
If one person can see the sunshine in a cancer diagnosis, we can probably rise above a flat tire, flooded basement, or unkind words thrown our direction. Put this man’s Reaction in your thoughts as an example of triumphant Outcomes.
Remember, “Win-Win,” and let a good day be your Outcome.
Until the next time: Live while you live.
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This is perfect to teach “how to react”, sometimes its win – win, sometimes it an opportunity to learn, but that requires some of the same elements, with the win being an opportunity to grow. You also gave the formula for Outcomes that I’ve observed. My Grandmother Ross would always say “if could have been worse” and that allowed those pioneers to move forward and in a more positive way than analyzing/reanalyzing the event. In my case we were praying for a physical healing, didn’t get that, but I did witness a spiritual healing instead. Event was the same, action was the same, but to be aware that an unexpected outcome resulted.
Harold – what a great example. I like how you think….I like that you think at all!! My mother, or somebody, also said, “It could be worse!” and they were right…It could always be worse. I’m so glad you and Patty had spiritual healing…that is a good thing.