This week, I visited with friends I’ve not connected with in a long while. After catching up on kids, grandkids, dogs, and travel, we talked about the weirdness of being old/older. We said things like, “How is it possible?”  “I don’t feel old.” “When did it happen?” “Just yesterday, I was young.” And the topic continued as we talked about younger family, friends and classmates who have already passed away.

We decided that the word “surreal” applied to growing older. We use the word surreal to describe situations that seem dreamlike. Think of the Surrealist painter Salvador Dalí’s “limp watches” painting. The reality of birthdates collides with how we see ourselves.

Throughout the conversation, we giggled, confessed to stupid choices we made yesterday, last year, and 40 years ago. We hung up, laughing and grateful.

Dear Abby wrote, “The less you talk, the more you’re listened to.”

I so understand what she’s saying, because if we never shut up, people grow weary, disconnect. tune us out, and excuse themselves from our presence.

But I also disagree with Abby’s statement because if we don’t share, say the words, become vulnerable, and speak authentically, we might be listened to, but not heard.

Speaking self-truth is a large root in the mature tree of Mental health.

Choices:

1. Speak what we know someone wants to hear or what makes us seem impressive
2. Omit details because the truth could hurt someone, or cause them to think less of us
3. Do what doesn’t causes you to feel guilty, and then be truthful

The third suggestion is the gem-paved road to mental wellness and rich relationships.

What a waste it would have been had my friends and I not been real. What if we had sprinkled gold dust over our words and not taken the opportunity to be authentic? If any of us had said, “Oh, the kids and grands are successful and well, I have no aches and pains, I sleep eight hours a night, and life is good.” We all would have rolled our eyes.

Instead, we didn’t dump negativity on each other, but we spoke about not seeing our kids as often as we’d like, feeling lonely, how grandkids are so busy, how we worry about them, and how days can drag on. We talked about our furry friends and how they give us purpose and joy, and that we have their caretakers outlined in our wills.

We ended feeling understood and not alone.

So, my final thoughts: Be yourself. Share your authentic self.  Split Abby’s wisdom and listen and learn, but share the real you.

It is worthless to be liked, valued, or loved if you paint or project a self that is not you. Time is short, and there’s no other YOU.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

Powered by WPeMatico