Keep walking toward your best self

Complaints about the snow, ice, wind, dirty cars, shoveling, stocking caps, etc., are ordinary conversations. I want to go anywhere green—where I can take my puppy Lucy, outside without wearing a coat, scarf, and mittens.

I see photos on Facebook where someone is basking in Costa Rica, Florida, or Arizona sun, and I feel a twinge of jealousy—an awful feeling right up there with guilt and shame.

Jealousy is wanting what someone else has or fear of losing what you have. A quote by B.C. Forbes, a Scottish-American author who founded Forbes magazine, said it well, “Jealousy is a mental cancer.” Digest those words.

Cancer requires different things for different folks, but it commonly involves professional evaluation, education, support, decision, and drugs. The same is true for jealousy. When someone reacts with jealous rage, they too could face the consequences of losing life as they know it. Not so different from cancer.

There are two sides to jealousy: the jealous person and the one receiving the wrath. We can’t do much if someone is jealous of what we have, who we know, or what we do other than understand their position and associate with them less. The problem is jealousy towards us seldom shows up as kindness or compassion. It usually includes exclusion, gossip, lies, hateful words, rejection, abuse, violence, injury, and even death.

People with short-fuse jealousy, similar to cancer, also need professional help, education, support, behavior goals, and probable drugs. If you are a jealous person—don’t pretend denial—it could spread to Stage IV, which means it permeates your body and takes your life.

If you receive damaging accusations or actions that affect your reputation, self-esteem, or wellness, avoid jealous people. Practice the buddy system when you’re out and about—there is safety in pairs.

Most important is to recognize the way others treat you could be because they are jealous of your hair, your kids, your job, your joy, your achievements, your opportunities, and on and on. People can be jealous of anything. Their goal is to bring you down—to make you less than yourself. Your job is to stand tall while you protect yourself and continue living. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

In conclusion, if you struggle with uncontrollable jealousy, take the first step, as you would with cancer, and go to a doctor. If you are the recipient of jealous behavior, don’t just complain, as with the weather—turn your feet, and keep walking toward your best self.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.