If all else fails, try compassion
What is your reaction if your spouse yells at you, your child says s/he hates you, your co-workers exclude you from after work events, or someone defames your character with lies?
If you react within a normal range, you probably feel terrible; fear, frustration, hurt, or unfairness. You might want to retaliate, hurting them back, or isolate yourself in the hope of not getting hurt again.
Consistent good mental health involves the ability to recover from whatever life deposits in one’spaths; like the Frank Sinatra lyrics, “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.”
HOW do we do that?
Some common solutions for developing the skill of regaining mental wellness after an upsetting event: Go to counseling, forgive, pray, focus on solutions not the pain and hurt, embrace support systems, and take good physical care – eating colorful foods (not M&M’s), avoiding excessive alcohol use, getting plenty of sleep, and exercising.
Often, we can do all of the above listed suggestions, and still, what someone did to us continues to hurt and interfere with our quality of life.
What can we do?
If all else fails, try compassion.
A wise friend once told me, “Sometimes we need to know that people who hurt us are possibly operating out of pain, and if we can feel compassion for their life situation, whatever that is, we can move past their hurtful behavior.” She also said, “Do not keep the story alive by talking about it – let it die.”
Stop speaking all the details and repeatedly say to yourself and anyone who asks, “I’m not sure what is happening, I only know s/he is coming from a point of pain.”
It is a statement of compassion, and it calms the heart. It might not make much sense, but it helps.
When something painful is done to you or said about you, you can feel like a victim. That is not what you want! Try repeating what my friend taught me and see if it helps you: Stop talking about it, and say, “His/her actions came from a point of pain.”
As in all of life, if one effort does not work, keep searching. There IS a solution, and it could be compassion.
Until the next time: Live while you live