At 95, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, America’s most famous and least likely sex counselor, has a new career path: New York’s Loneliness Ambassador. She believes the United States has a loneliness epidemic.

Loneliness is a problem. And it doesn’t just affect older adults—young people and couples can also experience lonely days and nights. I recently watched the movie Hope Springs with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. The characters were lonelier together than when apart. Counseling and communication were their solution to happily ever after.

I can relate to loneliness, and it isn’t because I’m alone—I have Lucy. But she speaks a foreign language, which I don’t always comprehend. It’s more about the energy it takes to find and hang out with people. It’s not even about going places by myself. It’s about conversing with myself for most of my existence. It’s lonely because someone isn’t here to share opinions and laugh with me. I have nobody to dream with or to enjoy the Christmas lights twinkling in my living room.

Being alone means I get on a ladder when I shouldn’t. And when the refrigerator quits or the garage door doesn’t open, I have no buddy to help solve the problem. Solitary life is also more challenging because I have the entire household workload. There is no distribution of labor.

Being alone is different from being lonely. I’m lonely when I lock the doors and turn off the light, when nobody knows if I get home at night, and nobody says, “Let’s go to breakfast.” Lonely is nobody warming my cold hands and not having someone’s eyes convey, “You’re my happy place.”

Being alone and lonely also has a positive side. I know and like myself better. I get to decide what, when, and how. I’ve grown a little selfish, which isn’t bad. I can nap, cuss at the TV, have a clean or messy house, and dance all morning to my music without worrying about stepping on someone’s toes. I can goo-goo over Lucy, get dressed at noon, and do whatever I darn well please with my day. It’s mine to mess up or make beautiful. The buck stops with me, and that’s okay.

What do I do to combat loneliness? I enjoy projects like drawing, finishing books, and cleaning the garage. I also write to you every week, go to my grandson’s NJC basketball games, and practice little acts of kindness. How do you deal with loneliness?

I will close with thoughts on loneliness from the expert, Dr. Ruth: Being busy is helpful, but “meaningful busyness” is critical. She also said, “If you feel lonely, don’t be just with other lonely people. That’s not going to be productive.”

At 95, she’s worth the listen.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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