I am editing and republishing an article from 5-13-I5. Even though I wrote it ten years ago, it still rings true. I give Jeff Haden, using the brand of “Influencer, credit for the cleverly described titles for ten people to avoid.

As you graduate, decide who you want to be and how you want to act. Your future is yours to mold, and although you are already well-defined, you can wisely decide not to be a person on the following list:

Blingers: Let your personality, not your possessions or accomplishments, define who you are. People might like your things or your power, but that does not mean they like you. Be yourself, and put less energy into impressing others.

Clingers: Stand tall and take independent risks. Insecurity and fear are weak crutches. The absence of fear does not make one happy—it most likely means that one is static and missing out on self-development.

Blamers: Take responsibility for your actions before you point the accusing finger. Mental health does not come from hanging out with people who blame you or others for their problems or behavior.

Interrupters: Be polite, not rude. Speak only when someone else finishes. Listening shows care and respect. Interrupting implies that what you say is more important than what the other person shares.

Whiners: Complainers are draining and annoying. Instead, talk about solutions and improvements. Friends don’t let friends whine; friends encourage change and improvement.

Controllers: The only person you can control is yourself. Controlling means you consider yourself smarter, more capable, and more important than others. A bully is a controller using fear, authority, or pressure.

Criticizers: Criticize others only when you are perfect, which is impossible. Instead, teach with compassion. Differences are not shortcomings – they are only differences that make us unique.

Preachers: Remember the saying, “I only asked the time, not how to build the clock.” Having someone polite enough to listen does not make rambling, repetition, or bragging desirable. A know-it-all or a better-than-thou is rarely respected.

Dwellers: Forgive and forget; let the past go. Ruminating on events you can do nothing about is a waste of time. Learn from mistakes, don’t repeat them, and let them go!

Fearers: Everyone has fear, but it needn’t be debilitating. Fear is involved in all successes. Be courageous – don’t let fear stop you. Think, plan, and try new ways.

Everyone falls into each of these behaviors once in a while. If we recognize when we do, we can avoid them in the future.

Graduates, as you choose the life you want, his ten characteristics to avoid might be worth remembering. They could keep you from developing habits or a reputation that doesn’t serve you well.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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