Expect nothing but enjoy everything about holidays

Following is an unedited version of the first article I wrote for the South Platte Sentinel in 12/22/2010. Thanks to Delinda Korrey for saying yes to my Mental Matters column and to Cathy Miller for graciously editing many of my first submissions. It’s funny how the basics of good mental wellness don’t change over the years. May you all create a blessed Christmas.

I retired from 20+ years of mental health counseling this past June. As we bid each other difficult goodbyes, I told my clients I wanted to write about them and what I learned from them. The good news is I’m doing that. The bad news is I so miss being involved in the helping profession of mental health counseling. So, here I am trying to create a setting where I can continue to help, but in a diverse, broader format: a newspaper column.

I wondered how I would come up with issues that would/could be helpful to individuals who picked up the local paper. How would I know if the topics were relevant? What if no one was interested? Then I shifted my thoughts. I spoke to myself the words I would have shared with a client: “Just do it and see. The worse thing that can happen is that it’s a flop and you can handle a flop. The sun will continue to rise in the morning.” So here I am with a head full of ideas, knowledge of how our minds work, many life experiences, and more education than anyone needs. May my creativity emerge and assist me in writing what may be helpful to you, the reader.

We are a little over a week away from the biggest day of the year, December 25th . We want to taste the warm apple cider with that perfect dash of cinnamon; feel the strong, slow hugs from family and friends; see the soft, white snow as it falls gently on the glowing holiday lights; smell the burning fire as we remember wonderful times past; smile as we hear the carols that bring touching memories, and bubble over with excitement as we anticipate that perfect gift from our special someone showing that he/she really cares. That is what we want, plan for, work toward, and expect. Is it any wonder that the day comes and goes and we are left with feelings of exhaustion and relief that it is finally over?

We are each responsible for our own feelings. We set ourselves up at Christmas. We expect too much. We build a Norman Rockwell picture in our mind and then allow ourselves to be sad or mad or hurt when reality doesn’t meet those ideals. My best advice for all of us is to expect nothing, but to enjoy everything. It is our expectations that cause that hollow feeling. We expect things that are not only improbable, but next to impossible. We try to be everything for everyone. And, if we are not, we load ourselves down with nasty feelings of guilt, shame, or despair. What happened to Norman Rockwell?

So try it. Expect nothing! Show up with a good attitude, and see what happens. You could be surprised. Enjoy everything! Joy, peace, excitement, etc., are nearly impossible to plan. So just expect nothing and enjoy everything that comes your way!

On a side note: don’t forget to treat yourself well. Buy yourself that gift and put it under the tree. That way, you actually receive that perfect gift from your most special someone showing that he/she really cares.

Until the next time: Live while you live..

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.