Envy is natural—jealousy debilitating

I bought a painting a few years ago that shows a Victorian setting with one man and three women; all dressed as if going to a dance. The artist named the painting, Envy. It suggests the women compete for the one man.

Jealousy and envy, often used interchangeably, are not the same thing. One feels envious if another person has a great haircut or warm jacket on a cold day. On the other hand, jealousy is the fear that someone will take something you want or have.

An example is my painting: A good-looking guy is the subject of desire, but the women compare themselves, and each wants the man. The envy surrounding the three women can quickly grow to jealousy because the man will choose only one. One woman wins, the other two lose. It reminds me of Cinderella.

The fear of losing or being less than someone is often the root of jealousy. It could be about not bringing home the championship trophy, not getting a promotion at work, or having a child who doesn’t excel in studies or athletics like a friend’s child. Feeling slighted in love and attention can trigger jealous thoughts.

Envy is unavoidable and does not usually cause distress, but jealously is an awful feeling. It can bring out the nastiest characteristics of a person. Often rooted in insecurity, jealousy can lead to abusive or harmful behaviors. Jealousy is one of three emotions to avoid—the other two are guilt and shame.

Guilt or shame are self-directed, while jealousy is toward others. A look or glance can trigger all three emotions, but guilt and shame are self-abusing, while jealousy involves someone else’s actions. Locked up in jail can result from jealousy.

Some people are more prone to jealousy than others. Any slight movement or message can set off thoughts that someone else will win–you will lose. Whether rational or not, the fear can become obsessive (overtaking one’s thoughts) and negatively skew one’s mental health, overall wellness, and life in general.

If you regularly feel jealous, I recommend professional help. Jealousy can ruin the best job, the happiest relationship, or one’s potential. The feeling can become so out of control that it takes over one’s logical thoughts, preventing balance and leading to irrational actions.

Know the difference between envy which is natural, and jealousy which can be debilitating. Nobody should suffer from destructive jealousy or live with someone who does.

As in my painting, the two women who see themselves as losing are jealous of the woman chosen by the man. As with Cinderella, the stepsisters were jealous and therefore vindictive and abusive.

If you lose control because of jealousy, ask for help. If you are frightened by someone’s jealous reactions, leave the situation until their insecurities are challenged and replaced. Jealous rage is dangerous and not conducive to the blessings of life.

Until the next time: Live while you live.