What do you do if something extraordinary happens to you–out of the blue? I ask because such an event landed in my checking account on March 10th. I don’t need to describe the boring details, but it involved Social Security. (SS) My reaction was similar to the loss cycle: bargaining, denial, anger, depression, and then acceptance. Initially, I thought, “What? This … [Read more...]
Teens, Messy Rooms and Parental Frustration
Teens, Messy Rooms and Parental Frustration Third of four articles from the American Counseling Association - Honoring April: Counseling Awareness Month Somewhere, there might actually be a teenager who doesn't have a "messy room." Most parents would doubt that. A teen's messy room continues to be the source for ongoing parent-teen disagreements in many families. While we … [Read more...]
Be the person you want a kid to be!
Be the person you want a kid to be! Adults can learn from rules on children’s poster I recently visited my grandson’s school and the poster of rules caught my eye: • Always be respectful • Don’t talk when someone else is talking • Raise your hand – don’t shout out • Keep your hands to yourself • Don’t hurt others • Have fun • Learn • Treat others how you want to be … [Read more...]
Behavior, not anger, needs management
Behavior, not anger, needs management We’ve all heard of “Anger management.” Anger does not need to be managed; it is the behavior attached to the anger that needs to be managed. Anger is an emotion just like worry, love, or excitement. There are dozens of definable emotions and anger is just one of them. We all feel anger, and it is the behavior accompanying anger that … [Read more...]
Speaking from the heart is essential
Speaking from the heart is essential Will Rogers once said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” That does not work if you are trying to have a good relationship. If you want to be close to your spouse, or your children, or your friends, you must speak the truth of what is going on inside you. Lack of effective communication skills is the basic problem facing every couple, … [Read more...]
‘Fair-fighting’ is a valuable skill to learn
‘Fair-fighting’ is a valuable skill to learn Mitch Albom in Have a Little Faith wrote, “When my wife is mad at me she gets historical. You mean hysterical….no, historical. She brings up everything I’ve ever done wrong in my entire life.” That statement made me laugh because it is a great example of how NOT to fight. All relationships have disagreements. Arguments are normal … [Read more...]
Focus on solutions not problems
Focus on solutions not problems Everyone has problems. A problem exists when what we have (reality) collides with what we want (desire). It can relate to anything; relationships, finances, parenting, employment, etc. The problems can be very complex, but the solutions to those problems are often basic and simple. I recently edited a book that was focused on identifying … [Read more...]
Bullies
Bullies Bullies are everywhere: schools, offices, churches, legislature, sports, homes, playgrounds, bedrooms, stores, hospitals, airplanes, etc. Bullies use words, aggressiveness, body language, writing, facial expressions, violence, rejection, and money to control their victims. Bullies feel empowered at the expense of someone else. If you are a bully, you know it. If you … [Read more...]