Chinese wisdom-To learn we must forget There are times when life is very difficult. Disappointment and hurt can accumulate. Few of us fully grieve each loss we experience. Bad things happen to good people. Fairness does not always rise to the top. As with people, life is not perfect. On a trip to China, a wise young woman said to me: “To learn we must forget.” … [Read more...]
What do you want in your eulogy?
What do you want in your eulogy? We know for sure that we all will die. We don’t get to choose how or when, but one guarantee is that we will. I want you to think about how you want to be remembered after you die. When your eulogy is being read, what do you want it to say? There are hundreds of ways one could be remembered: famous actor; gentle grandparent; best farmer; … [Read more...]
Behavior, not anger, needs management
Behavior, not anger, needs management We’ve all heard of “Anger management.” Anger does not need to be managed; it is the behavior attached to the anger that needs to be managed. Anger is an emotion just like worry, love, or excitement. There are dozens of definable emotions and anger is just one of them. We all feel anger, and it is the behavior accompanying anger that … [Read more...]
Challenges contribute to mental health
Challenges contribute to mental health My “Bucket List” included being a bartender. So, I enrolled in a Bartending Academy. It was a grueling, 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., ten day class. I surprisingly passed both the written and speed tests and was awarded a certificate. Whew! You might ask what this has to do with mental health. It has to do with challenging our brains, our … [Read more...]
Wanting to belong stretches boundaries
Wanting to belong stretches boundaries If you say, “Yes” when you want to say “No!” you need better boundaries. If you don’t stop or step out of a bad situation, you need better boundaries. If you sense that someone expects you to give them your last dollar or the only ten minutes you have free all day, you need better boundaries. If you are more concerned with someone … [Read more...]
Use it up, wear it out…or do without!
Use it up, wear it out...or do without! I did not live through the great depression, but during that period of history, 1929-1939, frugality was considered a virtue, and the phrase, “Use it up, wear it out, and make it do, or do without!” was the guiding principal in most households. Those were the years when nothing was wasted. Women sewed clothes for the family, and then made … [Read more...]
Mental health – a good sense of self
Mental health - a good sense of self We teach people how to treat us. When friends, family, or strangers treat us rudely, invisibly or judgmentally it is because we let them. Internally, we do not believe we deserve to be treated with esteem and respect. Good mental health begins with a good sense of self. We need a healthy self-esteem, boundaries that are self-protective, … [Read more...]
If all else fails, try compassion
If all else fails, try compassion What is your reaction if your spouse yells at you, your child says s/he hates you, your co-workers exclude you from after work events, or someone defames your character with lies? If you react within a normal range, you probably feel terrible; fear, frustration, hurt, or unfairness. You might want to retaliate, hurting them … [Read more...]
Happiness originates in thoughts
Happiness originates in thoughts Mitch Albom in “Have a Little Faith” states that happiness is being satisfied and grateful; the priest said happiness is living the Beatitudes; Wikipedia defines happiness as a state of mind characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy; Socrates thought a man must be honest and honorable to be happy; Benjamin Franklin said, … [Read more...]
Trapped In an Abusive Relationship?
Trapped In an Abusive Relationship? Last article from the American Counseling Association - Honoring April: Counseling Awareness Month Relationship abuse is more common than most people realize. The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that as many as twelve million women and men in the U.S. were the victims of such abuse last year. Reportedly, about one in four women, … [Read more...]
Speaking from the heart is essential
Speaking from the heart is essential Will Rogers once said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” That does not work if you are trying to have a good relationship. If you want to be close to your spouse, or your children, or your friends, you must speak the truth of what is going on inside you. Lack of effective communication skills is the basic problem facing every couple, … [Read more...]
Invite new experiences
Invite new experiences Before the first bridge hand is dealt, I always look across the table, into the eyes of my partner, and say with all sincerity, “Please forgive me in advance for all the mistakes I am about to make.” We laugh and begin the play of the cards. Humility is good for our mental health because it balances inflated egos. Therefore I keep walking into … [Read more...]
‘Fair-fighting’ is a valuable skill to learn
‘Fair-fighting’ is a valuable skill to learn Mitch Albom in Have a Little Faith wrote, “When my wife is mad at me she gets historical. You mean hysterical….no, historical. She brings up everything I’ve ever done wrong in my entire life.” That statement made me laugh because it is a great example of how NOT to fight. All relationships have disagreements. Arguments are normal … [Read more...]
Focus on solutions not problems
Focus on solutions not problems Everyone has problems. A problem exists when what we have (reality) collides with what we want (desire). It can relate to anything; relationships, finances, parenting, employment, etc. The problems can be very complex, but the solutions to those problems are often basic and simple. I recently edited a book that was focused on identifying … [Read more...]
Don’t allow an addiction to destroy your story
Don’t allow an addiction to destroy your story I've never claimed to be an addiction counselor, but I have seen and experienced the hurt and destruction caused by addiction. Addiction can ruin, dilute, disguise and even kill a person. It can do the same to friends and family. It can make a person and the people around him/her feel dark inside. It is not a good thing. One can … [Read more...]