This past Sunday, the show included an interview with Dan Lyons, author of “The Power of Keeping your Mouth Shut in an Endlessly Noisy World.” He wrote about learning when to speak and when to be quiet.
I’ve addressed this topic before, but Lyons approached it differently. He claims we don’t need to learn how to be better speakers but how to shut up. He believes saying less rather than more contributes to improved parenting, more prosperous relationships, and promotions in the workplace. Silence has power.
He says we talk our way into trouble.
I can certainly relate. I have talked my way into speeding tickets, unnecessary medical tests, and minimal-paying jobs.
In social situations, I’m an over-talker. Even at home with Lucy, I talk, and she listens. When she talks back with barks, it seems she is yelling and unhappy. When she quietly wags her tail, her reward includes me speaking sweetly and scratching her head.
Remember the scripture in Ecclesiastes about a time for everything? We could include Lyons’ concept: A time to speak and a time to be quiet—or a time to talk and listen—or a time to share and a time for boundaries and privacy. Lucy instinctively knows this and wins with her silence.
Expressing an opinion and having a solid voice to say what we need, and want, is essential for mental wellness. But, if we don’t balance our chatter with honoring others, we can be annoying and ineffective. Over-speaking can show those around us not how smart we are but how much we don’t know. Monopolizing conversations also says, “I’m so important, intelligent, and funny. Listen to only me.”
In my counseling/psychology training, we practiced in our internships and practicals to allow and welcome periods of silence. We live in a noisy world, and we need to create quiet—times when we think or feel before we speak. In a counseling room, silence benefits the client and the counselor. I’m guessing the same is true in the office of an attorney, doctor, teacher, financial advisor, or those gathered around a dinner table. Silence can be uncomfortable but extremely valuable.
Lyons believes we’re happier if we become comfortable with silence. Let me add: When we shut up, we learn more and regret less.
Until the next time: Live while you live.
Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.
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