Chinese wisdom-To learn we must forget

There are times when life is very difficult. Disappointment and hurt can accumulate. Few of us fully grieve each loss we experience. Bad things happen to good people. Fairness does not always rise to the top. As with people, life is not perfect.

On a trip to China, a wise young woman said to me: “To learn we must forget.” She was a primary school teacher in Shijaizhuang. I remember her small frame, sweet face, and eyes that danced. We were discussing the differences in our educational systems, but her statement had a far broader meaning for me.

To learn we must forget. In America we would say, “Forgive and forget.” Or, we would say, “I will forgive but I won’t forget.” This young Chinese woman was saying if we don’t forget we can’t move on…we can’t learn.

I think life is about learning. She is telling me that I can’t learn if I don’t forget. That is a powerful thought.

Imagine a sphere, a glass ball. Call it your self-esteem ball. Stuffed inside the ball are memories, experiences, words, actions, and emotions. The ball is full. In order to put something of value into the round space, your self-esteem, you need to let something out.

It is hard to let something go. You wouldn’t be saving it if it didn’t have significance. Everything in the ball defines who you are and what you’re about. If you let something out wouldn’t it mean that you did not care about it; that it did not matter, it was not important? Or could it mean you don’t need it anymore, you have grown past it; you’re ready for something new?

My challenge to all of us: let the gunk go! What purpose does it serve? What good comes from hanging on to pain; hurtful words; failed relationships; parenting challenges; unkind neighbors; unwise choices; debilitating fears, unpleasant or abusive childhood treatment; a friend’s betrayal, etc.?

The past is gone and hopefully we are wiser because of the lessons learned. When yesterday interferes with the wonders of a new day, it is time to let it go.

I’m not saying this is easy. I’m only saying it is possible, important, and healthy.

Listen to the words of the young Chinese teacher and forget; new wisdom will come from your freedom to learn.

Until the next time: Live while you live