Mental Matters
By Dr. Jennifer Goble

Supreme Court Justice, Antonin Scalia, who died on Feb. 13, 2016, said, in an interview with Charlie Rose, anchor for CBS Morning News, “A man who has made no enemies is probably not a very good man.”

Many people think they need to be liked, admired, and/or accepted by everyone. Mental wellness can be turned upside down with such daunting goals. Not only is it unreasonable, it is impossible.

First of all, we have no control over someone else; not their thinking, so therefore not their feelings or behavior. We can exhibit kind behavior and be financially generous, and still, s/he might not like us.

Second, having enemies is a natural consequence of living among others. If we optimize our life, somebody somewhere isn’t going to put us on their list of favorites. If we value our ability to think and reason, and therefore speak our opinions, which is a huge factor in mental health, we will likely have several enemies.

Thirdly, we have a right to choose the company we keep, and an enemy disguised as a friend is accurately portrayed in the thriller/drama movie, Sleeping With the Enemy.

Enemies, once we recognize and reject them, help us have boundaries. They teach us hard lessons, and they help us stay aware of our surroundings.

I thank my enemies for leaving me alone and allowing me peace. I feel sorry for other victims they entice, and I send them thoughts of self-care and defense.

My enemies could be someone else’s best friend and visa verse. Reminding myself of the fact keeps me from judging, which is not my job or privilege.

It takes courage to have enemies because it is not easy to stand up for what you believe, to say NO, or to change. If someone rejects you because you behave like the unique person you are, you are better off without them.

In the interview, Scalia also told Rose, “I think I’m a pretty nice fella.” He added he has so many enemies simply because he’s so consistent about following his beliefs.

Lesson: Do not sacrifice what you think and feel to avoid earning an enemy. We all have and need a few. Simply stay away from them, and enjoy the benefits.

“Until the next time: Live while you live!

     (Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of My Clients…My Teachers, and the blogger and encourager of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.)

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