Similar to magnets, opposites really do attract

Mental Matters
By Dr. Jennifer Goble

One thing I know for sure, from years of counseling, is opposites really do attract. Similar to magnets, like personalities repel, and opposites attach with force.

I usually find the phenomenon true, especially with parents and children, friends, love relationships, and co-workers. We are attracted to people who balance us, yet we get hurt and frustrated when people are not like us.

We love opposites and then detest their differences. Like Henry Higgins, played by Rex Harrison, sang in My Fair Lady, “Why can’t a woman be like ME?”

Opposites have a wide range; givers/takers, workers/lazy, kind/mean, gentle/rough, thinkers/feel-ers, on and on.

Imagine the differences being on a one to ten continuum scale; ten being an extreme and one being the other extreme. The closer both are to four, five, or six the easier the relationship. A ten teamed with a one is trouble.

For example, the ten could be a narcissist, the one could be a selfless co-dependent. Eventually, the one could become resentful of never being treated special and the ten could become annoyed when the one demands attention.

Another example, the ten could be a person who needs total control and the one could be nice, kind, sweet, and compliant. Eventually, the ten could become violent if the one tries to be more assertive and the one could be forever subjugated. We don’t usually become more balanced, we become more of who we are; more of what benefits us.

I read where actress Sandra Bullock, who appears to be a responsible, hard working, and appropriate person, is dating another “bad boy.” She shows us how people often pick the same kind of person – one who is opposite from ourselves. Who we are attracted to is not necessarily who leads to trust or committed relationships.

Men and women need to recognize intense attraction they feel toward someone and then run away, fast, from the person. Couples that are more similar, where both fall in the four-five-six range, go to a counselor less often. They can work together, play together, and build a less conflictual and more compatible relationship.

Yes, opposites attract, but we have the ability to make choices based on intelligence, and not just emotions.

Good luck!

Until the next time: Live while you live!

(Jennifer Goble, Ph.D. is a Licensed Professional Counselor. Check out her book, My Clients…My Teachers and her weekly blog at www.jennifergoble.com.)