Working as a solid unit makes counseling more effective

Jennifer Goble
Mental Health Matters

Anyone who has read my book, knows the myriad of concerns motivating a person to pick up the phone and make a counseling appointment.

When an individual reaches out for counseling, s/he usually wants or needs change; they are sick and tired of whatever is going on, and they want help to shift or eliminate a challenging or painful situation.

Also, most problems presented in therapy involve individuals who are not in the counseling office, such as a spouse, child, parent, boss, lover, friend, ex, siblings, courts, etc. We all live and work in systems, and if all people involved with a problem came to counseling together, results could be more successful.

A family is an example of a system, and there is no way one person can be hurting without every other person in the family being affected. A system works similar to a mobile above the baby crib; touch one item and the entire mobile moves.

We are relational by nature, and most clients come to therapy because of conflict with someone who matters.

That being said, isn’t it odd most people go to counseling alone?

When couples or families attend therapy together, positive change is far more possible. When everyone knows their voice and their behavior is important, and each has a chance to safely share their side of the story, with others respectfully listening, compassion, empathy, and shifts in thinking can happen within the system, whether it is a couple, family, or workplace.

Often, everyone in the system is not willing to go to counseling. In that case, go alone. But if change is a serious goal, it is far more successful if everyone shows up, speaks, and listens.

If life is not feeling the way you want/like, absolutely pick up the phone and make a counseling appointment.

Then, encourage everyone in the family to go with you. If they refuse, shame on them, but your best bet for improved relationships is to honestly share the responsibility and happily reap the shared benefits.

If every person shares, owns their contributions, and identifies how they might contribute to solutions, positive change is truly possible.

Closing with a quote from my hairdresser, Rose Marie: “Everyone (referring to other stylists in the salon) makes the mess so everyone should help clean it up.”

Ditto for counseling.

Until the next time: Live while you live!

(Jennifer Goble, Ph.D. is a Licensed Professional Counselor. Check out her book, My Clients…My Teachers and her weekly blog at www.jennifergoble.com.)

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