A friend read a quote by Viktor Frankl on an art bench I painted during the pandemic: “Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear with any ‘how’.”

She proceeded to tell me of another Frankl quote that she shares in many of her coaching settings: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

It reminded me of a counseling prompt: Event + Reaction = Outcome (E+R=O). In both, the stimulus or event is over and done—nothing more we can do about them. It’s the response or reaction that is the key, the prize, and the magic. In that space we have choices and control. We can mold or alter the consequences.

She shared that she told her doctor friend, years ago,  “If it’s not on fire, keep your mouth shut.”

The wisdom from a Holocaust survivor and author of my favorite book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is so valuable. Much of our success or failure is not the event or the decision, but what we make of it—how we handle it—the good we find in it. Just when we think we are victims with no way out, a little bell can ring that shifts our thoughts and delivers some options for consideration, wellness, and survival.

Isn’t that better than immediate words or actions that trap us in regret and often make the unpleasant situation worse?

It’s about not giving up. Survivors of the horrible Auschwitz-Birkenau camps in Poland, which I have visited, are examples of how what we do, say, and think can equate to survival, or the opposite.

I read or watch happenings in our world right now and wonder how I would handle the violence or abuse or loss of friends and family. I wonder about the fear —it must be terrifying to huddle in a corner with hungry, sobbing children, while hearing bombs and gunshots.

What would I do?

What would you do?

What will we do if our house and everything in it is burned to the ground? If countries we attack attack us back? Nobody I know is really equipped to starve or live without the abundance we have always known.

So Frankel gave us tools. Thank you! He advised us to put time between criticism, ingratitude, and unrealistic expectations.

Put that space between what’s happened and how you choose to respond. It might help you save face, save a relationship, or grow some wisdom. There is a time to act and a time to be still. Knowing what you want from life will help you rise above—to win—to trust yourself.

Until the next time: Live while you live