I’m an aging Pollyanna, meaning I want to believe all is good and great or sweet and easy. It isn’t. However, I am glad that most of the time, I try to find the light above the drama, trauma, and chaos.

However, sometimes I don’t always succeed.

Most of the obstacles are from my upbringing. A house full of six females and a dad who joined the group after working all day had the potential to shape a young girl’s skewed sense of the real world. If I was unkind to one of my sisters, I had to kiss them. Yuck! Not being nice was NOT acceptable—ever.

This week, someone told me I was hateful—yep, that’s the word. I must have heard that word when I was a kid because it stopped me in mid-sentence. I immediately shut up, but I thought, “Well, you have the nerve! Who is hateful at this moment? I’m not the hateful one—I’m not allowed!”

I smile as I write this because I can see the humor in the situation. Additionally, because the topic ignited a passion within me, my tone could have been perceived as hateful.

The scene was a great example of the girl with pink hair. If someone says, “You have ugly pink hair,” it doesn’t hurt unless you think you have ugly pink hair. It’s as simple as that. So, at some level, I must have thought I was hateful because I didn’t like it one bit.

Does that ever happen to you—somebody triggers you with a statement, and you react or overreact even though you believe it to be false, rude, and inappropriate?

We learn from those situations—about ourselves. Those unpleasant moments are likely spent defending ourselves or attacking the other person; however, self-reflection is a more effective use of time and resources.

I was with friends, and as good friends would, they assured me that I was NOT hateful—the other person was. But was that true?

In church, the message focused on love, kindness, and the importance of walking away. It was as though my mother was at the pulpit, with those eyes, pointing her finger in my direction. I was guilty, sure as heck. I was also glad a kiss wasn’t in my future.

So, I found my counseling hat and said, “Jennifer, you know better than to speak your mind when differences of opinion are in the air. You know the rule: nothing you say can change their mind, so be quiet.”

Sometimes, we relearn what we already know.

Use my embarrassing story as a learning tool for yourself. If words get you all riled up, they could be true.

Until the next time: Live while you live.

Jennifer Goble, Ph.D., LPC, is the author of “My Clients…My Teachers,” and the blogger and writer of Rural Women Stories: www.ruralwomenstories.com.

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